Why Vulnerability is Strength by Sorbi Khattak

“Vulnerability is leaning into the discomfort and the unknown.”

By definition, vulnerability is described as ‘the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed; either physically or emotionally’. Looking at vulnerability from a definitive perspective, vulnerability is not an area that the majority of us would like to be put in, purely because it can expose us to potential harm both physically and mentally. Why on the planet would I ever want to be vulnerable? - is a question that you are probably asking yourselves. In the article below I will demonstrate why..

The famous author and student of human connection; Brene Brown, talks about the power of vulnerability in almost all of her published books, talks and speeches.  In her ted talk; the power of vulnerability - when Brene asked people to talk about love, they often mention a heartbreak. As embarrassing as this subject can be, because it reflects a version of our past self, it can simultaneously be empowering too. This is a subject many of us relate to and often grief and loss is what brings in human connection.[1] 
Another area of vulnerability which I deem powerful is shame. Shame is understood as the fear of disconnection. As humans, mostly people pleasing humans, we aim to avoid shame at all costs because it can lead to physical, emotional and social rejection and lead to loneliness. Some studies suggest that loneliness and isolation are as detrimental to our health and wellbeing as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, it is worse for you than obesity and is associated with an increased risk of developing coronary heart disease (CHD) and stroke.[2] Experiencing shame can lead to isolation which in itself can be difficult to overcome. It takes courage and emotional intelligence to recognise someone’s shame and rather than trying to make the situation better, it is more helpful to recognise and accept the situation for the reality of it. Empathy connects the feeling under the experience and doesn’t have to be the experience itself.

The next time that you feel shame in your life either professionally or personally the most empowering thing that you can do for yourself is to show compassion towards yourself and understand the learning opportunity in the process. This sounds emotionally mitigating but Brene goes on to talk about shame in a positive light. In order to have some sort of human connection; empathy and sympathy - we must all experience shame. It is how we understand emotions and other people. Shame can lead us to believe that we are not thin enough, not beautiful enough, not rich enough and not accomplished enough. Whereas, vulnerability can be an empowering healing tool. 

Shame has been a huge part of many of our lives. It has been a driving factor for both the success and downfalls in the majority of my adolescent and adult life. In order to overcome shame we must feel worthy. In order to feel worthy we must be vulnerable, be compassionate towards ourselves, show courage and in turn accept the shame. Shame is exile and its protector is the manifestation of unhealthy behaviors such as alcoholism, overeating and/or negative self-talk. Vulnerability is therefore a necessity for growth and to overcome the exile that is shame. 

Vulnerability can actually build trust in relationships and drastically improve both empathy and understanding. With a little trust, we can be more vulnerable and with more vulnerability there will be more trust. This is the essence to a more fulfilled life. 

Vulnerability can also help to increase our self worth. As a clinical pharmacist in the NHS and a self-employed pharmacist outside of my clinical work, I am faced with patients everyday who put their trust into me to help them navigate their health conditions. By sharing my experiences and advice, those involved in conversations with me can be seen and accepted exactly as they are. The benefit of acceptance results in more self acceptance and a greater clinical outcome. In our relationships, more acceptance means more trust, consistency and reliability.

In a professional setting, vulnerability allows us to work together as a team. If our culture makes us work against each other in order to be more competitive, we may see vulnerability as a weakness. If, however, we create a culture that is open to vulnerability and failure, we allow ourselves to reach out to others for help and therefore work together to overcome our challenges. 

Difficult conversations are at the core of our development as human beings; whether that is breaking bad news to a patient, a partner or a friend, not meeting your co-worker’s expectations, opposing arguments in a conversation and even subconsciously letting someone down without intending to. Having a difficult conversation opens up a chance of a greater outcome and by encompassing vulnerability; we showcase strength.  

I believe that there is goodness in the world and that you can be both vulnerable and powerful. I hope you enjoyed reading this article as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Love,

Sorbi 

Sources:

1. Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability | TED Talk

2. Loneliness has same risk as smoking for heart disease - Harvard Health