How To Live According to Your Authentic Self and TRUE Desire by Cecilia Nordin
Picture: Jennifer Lindberg
In this large field of well-being I will try to give you my view on what truly makes us happy and fulfilled by telling you my background story and summarize with some advice. My name is Cecilia Nordin and I’m a student of Cognitive neuroscience applied positive psychology. I started my own company ”Holistisk coachning” a few month ago since I truly love the format of coaching and I didn’t have the patience to wait until June next year when I’m graduating.
My journey started when I was 19 and just graduated from high school. I realized that my last three years was spent on an education mostly for somebody else’s sake, not my own. People around me, basically all my close friends, immediately moved from my hometown right after high school and started to educate themselves in well paid, high status professions. And there I was, feeling pretty bad about my average grades in subjects I wasn’t that interested in. My dream (or at least what I thought was my dream) was to become a doctor, and I started to work on my grades. My boyfriend at that point had parents working in medical professions, which in retrospect might have affected me. I spent numerous of hours at boring studies in subjects I disliked just because of I thought I was supposed to. I felt like I was stuck.
A while later I realized that the reason why I wanted to become a doctor was not because of the medical aspect (I’ve trouble seeing blood). The reason was that I’m genuinely interested in talking to people and help them feel better. Somewhere around there I changed my mind and thought that maybe a psychologist education could be more suitable for me. One day I decided to look through the list of different educations among the field of psychology. I got caught on an education called ”Cognitive Neuroscience applied positive psychology” located in a small (and for me unknown) city called Skövde in Sweden. I really became excited about reading the education plan and the professions I might work within after graduation. This was exactly what I was going to do. But how will the others reaction be on my decision (changing my mind for the third time)? And what would they say about the education, school and location? It was neither a high status or well paid profession, nor a well-known school.
About 2 years later me and my current boyfriend broke up and I finally started doing things for myself. One of the first things I did was to book a trip to Cook island, a small south sea island called Rarotonga. It was an amazing trip, my dream to wake up in paradise and to just embrace the day, became true. Around six month later, back home in Sweden I met my person, my wonderful, supporting and loving boyfriend. Around the same time we met I also bought an apartment in Skövde and moved there for my dream education. Something happened to me after ”breaking free” from my earlier life situation. Now I do things for my own sake, because I want to, and it feels incredibly good. I also try to care less of what other people think about me and my decisions, and I understand that my value is not determined by others.
My purpose of telling you about my background is to show how easy it is to become affected of what others in your surrounding do and say. You might not even be aware of it, or it will take time for you to realize it. I don’t want to judge anyone, I just want to raise awareness of that we become affected by other people and by norms in our society. However, by knowing this, we have a choice to change and do what we want to do or what is "right" according to our personal values. All of us are experts on ourselves, don’t let anyone tell you what to do unless you have asked for it! Of course, sometimes it could be beneficial to listen to the opinions of others, but don’t let your whole life be determined by others.
Picture: Jennifer Lindberg
So, how do I figure out what I should (or shouldn’t) do?
A great start to figure out if you really want to do something is to ask yourself WHY do I want to do this. Why have I chosen this education/workplace? Why do I hang out with that person that steal my energy? Why do I scroll through social media as soon as I have some time over? For whom do I put on makeup every day? Ask yourself why and figure out if it is for the right reason, according you personal values. Further, did you know that we actually have neurons in our stomachs? So the quote ”Trust your gut feelings” is not only something we just say. That is my first and basic tip to you.
How do I get the most out of my life?
Next tip to you is actually a reminder of enjoying the process, the pathway to the goal, not only the accomplishments. This method will increase your overall happiness since the happiness of reaching your goal will only last for a while, while you will spend a lot more time in the process. Try to savor moments along the path, put up sub-goals and celebrate. You don’t need to wait to the weekends or holiday to ”live” and everything doesn’t always need to be magnificent. You can do something small everyday to enjoy your life. Like bring your lunch box outside if it is sunny, or start the day with a morning workout and sauna at the gym with a friend. Small things enrich your life. What can you do to enjoy your life more?
How can I embrace change?
Change is something that can be frightening since we are evolutionary programmed to react with restrict on what’s new or unfamiliar, to survive. A change can be tough since we can get the feeling of loosing control. A way to handle it could be to work on what we can influence, like our mindset or create healthy routines that can makes us feel better and more in control. A change could also be challenging since we might not have all knowledge and skills at first or we are doubting if we have made the right decision. My advice to you if you are in this situation is to ask yourself again ”Why do I want to do this?”. By being sure of your intention you enrich your motivation. Also, remember, it might not always turn out exactly the way you expected but it will be good in the end, keep working and trust the process (follow @moonomens on Instagram for daily support, it truly gave me a boost).
My final words to you
Dare to fail. Dare to try even if you don’t have the skills yet. Dare to change your mind. Dare to continue even if you don’t see results for a long period of time. Dare to challenge the norm. Dare to be uncomfortable for a while to develop. Dare to show your weaknesses. Dare to show your strengths. Dare to be you.
