Trying To Be a Man is a Waste of a Woman by Ellinor Otter
For as long as I can remember I’ve worked in male dominated industries. And for a very long time, I thought I needed to become “one of the guys” to fit in and be respected.
There is no surprise that a lot of businesses are built by men, for men. As an example, only around 1% of the venture capital in Sweden is allocated to startups with female founders. That is how society is created after thousands of years of patriarchy and there are multiple layers of structures, norms and traditions behind it. But if you, as a woman, always adjust and adapt to play by their rules in their arena, in their tempo - I'm sorry to say: But you are set up to eventually crash in one way or another.
Being a woman in a male dominated industry was awesome for me in many ways, but it was also very challenging. When you're the only girl in the room, you often have to prove yourself and your skills and earn your respect in a way that men don't. I remember looking around in my team and realizing I was the only girl in the room. I then started to look higher in the organization and saw that my manager was a man, his manager was a man, his manager was a man and so it went on all the way up to the CEO - who also was a man. And the whole board were also men.
It could sometimes be a very competitive environment with a lot of “bro codes” and locker room conversations. Some colleagues were distant and hard to connect with, they became defensive when they had done something wrong, were very result driven and were struggling to meet and understand my moods and my needs when I had “women issues” such as PMS, morning sickness due to pregnancy or had a gynecologist appointment.
Let's talk some simple biology: Men have a 24-hour cycle, where their testosterone levels are highest in the morning and lowest at night. Which essentially means that they are perfectly in sync with the standard workday.
But when it comes to us women, it’s a little bit different. Most of us have a 28-day hormonal cycle which means that we (on a monthly basis, all year round, for about 40 years) suffer from cramps, headaches, uncontrollable mood swings, bleeding, breast tenderness, PMS and sometimes just pure fatigue. This is a lot for the female body to go through every month, and a huge contrast to the experience of the male body. And many of us don’t have workdays that are perfectly in sync with our cycle.
After years of being in this male dominated environment, I slowly started to hide my feminine side and instead embrace my unhealthy masculine traits (read more about the feminine and masculine energies Here). I was now “one of the guys” and when they made inappropriate jokes, I joked right back just to put them in place. I became distant, cold, competitive and I put aside my own needs just to fit in and not be a burden to those around me. My mind and body were trying to give me signals that something was wrong because I lost my appetite, I didn't sleep well and I was unmotivated to attend meetings and do my job. But I didn't listen inwards, I just kept going going going. I also totally ignored and stopped tracking my cycle. This resulted in me ending up in a lot of conflicts, I was bitter, I was egocentric, I focused on the wrong things and after a while I didn't even recognize myself.
I then did some soul searching and started to see a Female Embodiment Coach which completely changed my life. She helped me reconnect with myself again and she helped me embrace my feminine traits. She reminded me that it is human and beautiful to be vulnerable, feminine, soft, caring, warm, compassionate, playful, intuitive, sensual and to trust your gut - both privately - but also in a work environment.
And when I embraced those parts of me; magic happened and I was more true not only to myself but also to those around me. I started to live more authentically, listen to my body, trust my intuition, speak my mind and take care of myself in a loving way I had never done before. This also resulted in me having a happier outlook on life and healthier relationships to those around me.
Today, I am at a very good place in my life and career and I want to inspire others not to dim their lights or lose themselves just to fit in.
Here are some friendly reminders for the women who are minimizing themselves to fit in:
Stay true to yourself and just be yourself (it’s cheesy but true!)
Being a woman is so damn empowering, beautiful and complex. Embrace that and own it.
Try to see yourself as a unique bad ass sparkling unicorn that has a lot to bring to the table.
You are allowed to speak your mind and express your feelings.
If you're at a company where you don’t feel appreciated, respected or welcomed - don’t be afraid to address that and be strong enough to walk away if necessary.
Track and become friends with your cycle. It will seriously improve your life.
Find female role models who are strong enough to embrace and show their personalities and take up space and who inspire you to be yourself.
Just promise me that you won’t let anyone dim your light, ever <3
(Pixar has made a very powerful short video about this topic. It’s about a ball of yarn named Purl who gets a job in a fast-paced, high energy, bro-tastic start-up. Purl tries to fit in, but how far is she willing to go to get the acceptance she yearns for, and in the end, is it worth it? You can watch it Here.)
IF YOU WANT TO BE EMPOWERED AND REMINDED OF YOUR VALUE, LETS CONNECT!
Lots of love,
Ellie
